Well folks, this is the home stretch. Christmas is headed towards that glorious week before New Year’s, where everyone except shoppers who wish to bring their children with them to vex me and give me a headache are relaxing, eating turkey sandwiches, and watching sports. May you all enjoy something good next week; maybe some depressing foreign films? Or you could be like Francois and I, and make it a Christmas tradition to watch The Room. Something decidedly not Christmassy. I guess I’m one of those people who spends so much of her brain on Christmas for the second six months of the year that, by the time it gets here I am ready for daffodils and tulips. No more snow, please. Had enough. What I am really ready for is some rest. I’m working on a helluvah chest cold and I fear that once I rest and relax on Christmas day, after everything is over, it’s going to rip into me–even though I have to work at 3 am on the 26th. Isn’t that just peachy?
1-A Very Terrible Christmas
Daryl Westfall * A New Horizon in Music
Corporal Blossom * The Christmas Song
2-The Baby Bob
No-L * Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Grassy Noll * Silver Bells
3-Decorate a Tree
Dan Marshall and Tommy’s Chorus * Randi the Handy Elf
Dan the Automator * Jingle Bells
DJ Tabernacle * Enjoy the Silent Night
Go Home Productions * Carpenters Christmas (Karen Meets Roots Radics Uptown)
5-Hans Hates Christmas
My First Earthquake * Holiday Sweaters
1 More Shopping Day!
The Baby Dolls * The Bell That Wouldn’t Jingle
6-Look at Frosty Go!
Tijuana Voices * Deck the Halls
ToTom * Rudolph the Paranoid Reindeer
7-Merry Fuckin’ Christmas
The FSO * Duck Fat Turkey
Johnny “Bowtie” Barstow * Joy To The World
Cactus Jim and the Wranglers * A Merry Merry Christmas to You
Rudolph, You Don’t Have to Put on the Red Light
Hoosier Hot Shots * Jingle Bells 1936
Vernon Dalhart * Santa Claus, That’s Me!
10-The True Meaning of Christmas
HP Lovecraft Historical Society * Awake, Ye Scary Olde Great Ones
HP Lovecraft Historical Society * Away in a Madhouse
11-Christmas with the Davenports
Eddie Cantor * The Only Thing I Want for Christmas
I’d like to thank the Reverend Jehovah Jones for sending an email after I asked for one last time. Thanks, because it gives me content I don’t have to create. This week, I take a look at the film “Santa Claus,” a 1957 Mexican movie, and MST3K’s take on it. We also have Nick Danger’s Third Eye.
The Günter Noris Trio * Winter-Allegro Non Molto: Colder Than?
The Rhodes Kids * Christmas All Year Through
2-The Devil Likes Rude Little Boys
The Günter Noris Trio * Fireside Fun
Augie Rios * Donde Esta Santa Claus
The Günter Noris Trio * Slippin’ In the Sun
The Glad Singers * Deck the Halls
Scrooge * Main Title
The Superions * Santa’s Disco
Woody Herman and his Orchestra * Santa Claus is Coming to Town
8 more shopping days
Frankie Yankovic * The Merry Christmas Polka
Harry and the Potters * Meet Me Under the Mistletoe
7-Firesign NBC 1
Jo Ann Castle * Skaters’ Boogie
Mae Questal * I Want You for Christmas
8-Firesign NBC 2
Crachit and Tiny Tim
Mel Blac * Ya Das ist Eine Christmas Tree
9-Firesign NBC 3
Scrooge * Toy Shop
Williams Brothers * The Holiday Season
10-Firesign NBC 4
Guy Lombardo * He’ll be Coming Down the Chimney
The Psycho Skeletons * Good King Bob
Mondo Diablo Episode 287: This Podcast Shall be the Finest Podcast in the Whole of London This Christmas!
This show is a treat, I tell you, a treat, because not only do you get Alastar Sim as Scrooge, you get ME informing you of Important Education Things. And nothing says “Christmas” like Lectures.
Scrooge * More brrread…No more brrread.
Ruth Welcome * Jingle Bells + Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
John “Bowtie” Barstow * Do You See What I See?
Scrooge 2 * Biz-i-ness
Tim Dinkins * Ole Pop Reindeer
The Going Thing * Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Scrooge 3 * But I am a Mortal!
NORAD * Here Comes Santa Claus
Randall Reed with the Forerunners * The Peppermint Stick Man
Scrooge 4 * I’ll try to get him to hold out ’til then.
Jim Page * Jesus and the Laughing Deity
Akim * Santa Claus is a Black Man
Scrooge 5 * Marley’s death
Cricketones * Mixie Pixie
11 Days to Shop for Christmas!
Daniel Johnston * Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree
Scrooge 6 * A Singing Pudding
Kiki and Herb * Frosty the Snowman
Robert Earl Keene * Happy Holidays Y’All
Scrooge 7 * The Finest Goose
Skitch Henderson and his Orchestra * We Need a Little Christmas
Fred Lowry * Let’s Light the Christmas Tree
Scrooge 8 * Two Whole Rounds
Evan Purcell * Mistletoe
Colin Clary * Meow Meow
Scrooge 9 * A Thing for the Beagle
Louis Prima and his New Orleans Gang * What Will Santa Claus Say (When he Finds Everybody Swingin’?)
The Superions * Santa
10 Outnumbered * Bob Scratchit
This week, the Krampus and his workers, Knecht Ruprecht, Krampus, Hans Trapp, Zwarte Piet, Klaubauf, Muff, Butz, Pere Fouettard and Belsnickel, bring you the last in the series of Worst Jobs podcasts. This time it’s children making dolls for children, gos-herding and turkey dressing. As in, yanking the guts out of hundreds or maybe thousands of fresh turkeys, by hand, in time for Christmas.
But my own day of judgment is at hand (did you know that the Visit from Saint Nicholas could be considered a mini “day of judgment” for children? It’s true)! I will be presenting, tomorrow night, a small amount of information about Christmas political history, characters and pagan traditions that have come all the way to us. We will also have a nice atheist Christmas party. Now THAT’S how freethinkers have a Christmas party. With a lecture. Luckily, I have pictures.
Worst Jobs 1
Ensemble for Early Music * Edi Beo Thu
Elizabeth and the Catapaults * Christmas wit the Jews
Worst Jobs 2
The Three Suns * Winter Wonderland
Fats Waller and his Rhythm * Swingin’ Them Jingle Bells
Worst Jobs 3
Ensemble for Early Music * Estampie
My First Earthquake * Fa-La-Freezing
Worst Jobs 4
Billie May * Brassman’s Holiday
The Superions * Fruitcake
Worst Jobs 5
Joe Renzetti & Tony Luisi * Christmas Tommy
Royksopp * Le Cantique de Noël
Worst Jobs 6
John Klein * Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town
A Christmas Story
Sammy Kaye * Hut Sut Song
We Three Bings
Worst Jobs 7
Johnny Random * Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies
KAROLIINA MOILANEN * KUKKURINMÄEN JOULUPOLKKA
Worst Jobs 8
Nashville Sax, Featuring Jerry Tuttle * Here Comes Santa Claus
Tino Rossi * Petit Papa Noel
Worst Jobs 9
Rankin Bass * Christmas Medley
Rankin Bass * Christmas Chimes are Calling Santa Santa
Worst Jobs 10
This week, the BBC shares information about Boar’s Heads and Yule logs, which is all incredibly interesting. But I would like to share some information about the Stallo, the Metal Man, who is another in my growing list of Annual Gift-Giving Men other than Saint Nicholas.
You can read the original article here.
And yes, it was a story in the Fortean Times.
The Saami await a Yuletide visit from a giant, horned and hairy wildman named Stallo. In Lappish, stallo means “metal man.” Sometimes Stallo is dressed in stylish, all-black clothes like an MIB (man in black) or in a metallic suit (as conspiracy theorists conjecture, a robot or ancient astronaut in a space suit). Most likely the metal suit was the chain-mail armor of the berserker Vikings. The amoral Stallo delights in macabre acts of genital mutilation of his innocent victims. (Stallo pokes his staff up the skirts of young girls.) On Christmas Eve, Stallo rides around in his sleigh looking for something to drink. Traditionally, the Saami drive a stake into the ground near a fresh-water supply so Stallo can tie up his sled while having a refreshing gulp of water. If Stallo cannot find anything to drink, he will bash in a child’s skull, sucking out the brains and blood to satiate his thirst. The most dangerous night for Lapp children is Christmas Eve, when Stallo lurks about looking for naughty victims to cram into his sack.
Worst Jobs 11
Ferrante and Teicher * Good King Wenceslaus
Steeleye Span * The Boar’s Head Carol
Worst Jobs 12
Eddie Dunstedter * Silver Bells
Glossies * Glossy Christmas
Worst Jobs 13
Big Tiny Little * Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town
Housewives on Prozac * I Broke my Arm Christmas Shopping at the Mall
Worst Jobs 14
The Soulful Strings * Sleigh Ride
Sinai Mountain Boys * O Hanukkah
Worst Jobs 15
Caiola & Ortolani * Bossa Nova Noel
Puffy Umiyami * RGW
Worst Jobs 16
Hollyridge Strings * Jingle Bells
Harry E. Humphrey * A Visit With Saint Nicholas (1914)
Worst Jobs 17
American Symphony Orchestra * March of the Toys/Babes in Toyland (1917 Edison Cylinder)
Tim Minchin * White Wine in the Sun
Worst Jobs 18
Andre Kostelanetz * Sleigh Ride
Y Love and Jules Brooks * Dreidel
Worst Jobs 19
Edison Concert Band * Bells of Christmas
Joel Hallikainen * Talven Ihmemaa
Worst Jobs 20