Xanadu: A Tribute to the Lesser Characters

I loved Xanadu from the first time I saw the videocassette. Yes, I was exactly at the right age to appreciate such a movie–about 13 at the time. But I was kind of an anti-conformist, so I assumed everything about it, and everything most 13 year-old girls liked was stupid.

But not now. Now, not only am I an avid fan, but I’m the would-be stalker of one of the dancers, who shall, from now on, be known as “Dark Eyes.” I don’t know who he is, or what he’s doing, or how old he is (probably no more than 5 or 6 years), but somehow, I’ve focused on him.

Now for the tribute.

The Muses

The greek muses seem to al be included, including Uranta, the Celestial, who is played by the Asian girl, of course. What I want to know is, why is it that Terpsichore, the Muse of Dance, played by Newton-John, is the only one who can’t dance?

Erato, the Muse of Love

Urania, the “Celestial One”

Polyhymnia, the Muse of Sacred Song and Crotch

The sisters live, laugh and love together.

The 9 Sisters create neon light-energy through the power of dance, and love.

The Unsung Heroes of Xanadu

Saggy-Boob Farrah has no need for a bra!

Farrah, whose bike was that you just “lent?” Oh well, no girl can resist Sonny Malone!

These are rock album artistes.

This is a rubber duckie, ostensibly owned by the world-famous rock band, Breaking Ground.

Actress Lise Lang had a speaking role, and a credit, as “Popcorn Girl.” She would do anything for Sonny Malone!

Like I always say: dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

The Ground-Breaking party with the foreman, Gene Jelley, and a guy enjoying nuts. It’s just not a party without Party Peanuts!

The bird who wears legwarmers.

I think, though, if you hardly have any blood in your legs, they don’t really get cold, so they don’t require legwarmers.
The Fashion Creatures

My theory is that the Fashion Creatures were newly-created 80’s mannequins that came to life the moment Terpsichore and her sisters stepped out of the Venice wall and into the hearts of Hollywoodians.

First they got great jobs as fashion models for Quebecois Photographes posing as Parisians.

A tribute to the later performance by The Tubes.

Things to Come. Scary.

Here we see the acting technique of choosing an animal to represent your character a la Commedia dell’Arte.

A Fashion Monkey creeps through the Fashion Jungle.

The Fashion Creature reacts on Fashion Instinct alone.

One of the Fashion Creatures’ main defenses is Glitz, demonstrated here.

A Fashion Predator is thwarted in her hunt by the blinding Glitz.

Watch out! They hang from clothes racks.

The call of Fashion creatures in heat.

Fashion Creatures are known to practice homosexuality. Here is Gay Spidey.

A Retro Fashion Creature, on loan from John Waters.

Contempt for the sixties?

They aren’t Dancers. They are The Tubes!

And they come with their own 14 year-old groupie!

Mothers, do you know where your daughters are?

That old devil, rock ‘n’ roll

Meet “Mighty Eighties.” He has a short haircut. In 1979, only the most fashion-forward, or actual punk rockers, had hair like this. No one in my school would be caught dead like this. He is Mighty Eighties. Fear his keyboard!

Mighty Eighties caught one for himself. He is very gallant about it.

I believe this is Vince Welnick, nee of the Grateful Dead. He’s awesome.

Go, Vince! Go! Will this be Floyd from the Muppet Show?

The Dancers, and The Dancer

This Apache dancer has achieved maximum splittage.

She’s a little bruised, but I think she’s okay.

The pain feels so good. I think this is the main theme of the film.

The eyebrows are scary. But they got credits.

Who is this eye-candy?

Maybe a young Raul Julia? Wait, no…

The Zoot Suits

Up in the air, Zoot Suit!

Hey, there’s Dark Eyes!

Is that skirt slit military regulation?

This woman is the pinnacle of eighties fashion. Batwings, high-waisted lame spandex pants, and do I see a headband?

Can you find Dark Eyes in this picture?

Heil! Xanadu!

That’s the “Fonzie” dance move. You’ll see it throughout the picture.

Evidence of cruel, cruel hair abuse. And I don’t mean the cornrows.

I see Dark Eyes is back!

…and he’s wearing synthetic velour! Nice.

Is that Criss Angel, or Doug Henning?

Look! Over there! It’s…

Yes, it’s Dark Eyes again. I think the explanation for the hair is that he needed a pompadour for the 1945 bit. Dreamy, anyway.

So now, they’ve been honored. If I could get more names, perhaps they would be properly honored. Especially Dark Eyes. Anyone?

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