Episode 140: Jesus’ Vagina

Female Sexual Characteristics in Christ and Christianity
by Miss Poppy Dixon

ATTENTION:
The following article references female genitalia and female reproductive functions and correlates them with the allegorical life of Jesus and Christian symbolism. If any of this offends you, please leave now and do not read the following piece.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Inviting Doubt
from the Wesley Foundation at UVA

Seeing as how you are college students, you probably know this already, but it is hard to make a college student squirm uncomfortably. Y’all are used to graphic images and harsh language. You’re at home on the internet. The world you’ve grown up in and are maturing in is saturated with images, words, and social situations many people of my generation didn’t face until we were well into our 20s and 30s.

Playlist

Jesus’ Vagina 1
Alleee1
Chicks on Speed * Eurotrash Girl
Jesus’ Vagina 2
Dave Baby Cortez * Rinky-Dink
J’entends le loup, le renard et Beyoncé * Funky Belek
Jesus’ Vagina 3
Santo and Johnny * Teardrop
Guy Drake * Welfare Cadillac
Jesus’ Vagina 4
Robin Workman * Waterloo
Earth and Fire * Memories
Jesus’ Vagina 5
Roger Roger * Goofy Goes to Town
The Leonard Family * Once You Understand
Jesus’ Vagina 6
Sid Bass * Ritual Fire Dance
BC Harmonizers * You Ought to Been There
Jesus’ Vagina 7
The Synthesizer Sound Machine * Bottoms Up
Bible Aires Spiritual Singers * You Better Get Ready
Jesus’ Vagina 8
Gioacchino Rossi and Ron Ronstead * The Thieving Magpie
Crass * Punk is Dead
Yes that’s right, punk is dead
It’s just another cheap product for the consumers head
Bubblegum rock on plastic transistors
Schoolboy sedition backed by big time promoters

CBS promote the Clash
Ain’t for revolution, it’s just for cash
Punk became a fashion just like hippy used to be
Ain’t got a thing to do with your or me
Movements are systems and systems kill
Movements are expressions of the public will
Punk became a movement cos we all felt lost
Leaders sold out and now we all pay the cost
Punk narcissism was a social napalm
Steve Jones started doing real harm
Preaching revolution, anarchy and change
Sucked from the system that had given him his name
Well I’m tired of staring through shit stained glass
Tired of staring up a superstars arse
I’ve got an arse and crap and a name
I’m just waiting for my fifteen minutes fame
Steven Jones, you’re napalm
If you’re so pretty vacant, why do you smarm?
Patti Smith, you’re napalm, your write with your hand
But it’s Rimbaud’s arm
And me, yes, I, do I want to burn?
Is there something I can learn?
Do I need a business man to promote my angle
Can I resist the carrots that fame and fortune dangle
I see the velvet zippies in their bondage gear
The social elite with safetypins in their ear
I watch and understand that it don’t mean a thing
The scorpions might attack, but the systems stole the sting
PUNK IS DEAD. PUNK IS DEAD. PUNK IS DEAD

Jesus’ Vagina 9
The Carmets * Mr. Moto
La Barbichette * Boogie Lady
Jesus’ Vagina 10
Wendy Carlos * Badiniere
Alleee 2

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